Oh ya, my children will be doctors

I just read an interesting article on the Toronto Star about how asian parents almost push their kids to go into university to take high standard programs such as medicine, pharmacy, law, engineering and accounting, even thought some kids don't even have the talent or interest in them. And the consequence of that are children dropping out of school, failing, getting suspended, cheating or even break down to depression.

I totally feel and get what they are saying because I come from very traditional parents, and they obviously want the best for me. Thankfully, my parents let me fully take Communications and French and let my sister take her International Development Studies. However, I do recall them trying to convince me to get into Computer Science (since "I love computers so much") and trying to convince my sister to get into law (because "she's too good at arguing"). I also remember when I was choosing my university career I had to consult them several times. They rarely asked me questions like "do you really like that program?", "are you very interested in that program?", or "take whatever you are passionate about". They were more like "yes, that career can get you jobs" and "no, that's a useless program and you cannot find a job after". I mean, I understand that they want me to succeed after graduation. But one thing is taking something that I want to get a job with and another thing is to take something I am passionate about. Remember the time when I told my dad I wanted to go to cooking school and he told me "if you want to be a chef start by doing the dishes in the sink", or my mom telling me "yeah, right". Because that is something I am REALLY interested and passionate about learning! Besides doing art design, web design, and graphic design. Maybe theatre. Although Communications (or advertising) was certainly an option because of my interest in ads in high school.

The thing is that I feel (by noticing my parents and other chinese parents), that the chinese culture is very much focused in study and woring hard, but not so much on the social life (generally speaking, there are of course exceptions). Like the article said, "the Confucian tradition of respect for hard work and obedience “often overlooks creative skills and leadership and social skills". At least for the case of my parents, they usually don't allow me or are very restricted about me going to social gatherings, extra-curricular activities, and having a social life. So I went to school and went back directly home, everyday. This in turn has shaped the personality I used to have and maybe still have today: the shy, quiet, naive, anti-social type of girl. Maybe not so much now, but I am still bit shy and quiet because I have learned from other people (mostly non-asian), and not from my parents.

Since my first year at university I wanted to get a part-time job, so that I can gain experience and network with other people, and maybe earn some dollars. But I remember clearly that my parents told me to forget about part-time jobs, and that I needed to concentrate on my studies. Four years after, I have graduated and barely got a job. Why? Because I don't have much experience because I was too busy studying. I mean, it is not a bad thing concentrating on studies, but it's not like my grades were super high. Maybe because the rebellious me didn't listen to my parents and still got a social life at university with frosh week, volunteering, joining clubs, etc. which thankfully gave me a little bit of experience I can put on my resume. Of course, I did all these without asking my parents about it. They would have probably said no. But for me, experience is a lot more valuable than my grades. Because when you come out to work, it is the experience that counts. Employers won't care if you got an A or a C+ (well, it would be nice to get an A). But say, you have an A+ but no experience, contacts, or anything; where can that get you? And what if you got a C+ but your resume is filled with lots of different experiences that are valuable to the job you are applying for? Getting out of the classroom to meet other people, will help students get connections, who might hook you up with a job, right?

But I understand where chinese parents come from. China's economic situation wasn't the best about 25 years ago. And now with the technology, globalisation, immigration to first world countries, and the amount of freedom compared to those years, there is a huge gap of difference. Maybe that is why they want their kids to have the best education in order to have the best job, and therefore make lots of money. It is understandable and it is fair to say that. However, it is still unfair to make children take something they don't feel interested or have the passion about. A low interest will reflect on a low grade, which in turn will make the children miserable about their lives. I think it is important for asian parents to understand the many ways to success, that is not written on the books, but it is all around living the daily life and experiencing and learning.

And it is crazy that 72% of Toronto's Chinese-Canadian students are applying for universities while only 42% of Canadian students apply to universities. It is funny how the article says that some universities are becoming "too Asian" *cough Uot cough*. My sister who studies at UoT in Scarborough tells me that students, mostly asians, are very studious and very serious about their university careers. She even tells me that people go to the library past 12am, and maybe some even might as well pull a tent there and sleep overnight. Not saying that there is no social life there, but I do notice however, that most chinese students mingle with their own kind and don't usually go beyond. I find this also true at York. Maybe it's just the culture clash, the way people are raised. Thankfully I was encouraged to mingle with non-asians in costa rica (because I had mostly no choice since there aren't many chinese people there) and I feel totally comfortable socializing with non-asian people. My parents asked me in my first year if I made any chinese friends, I told them that I didn't because no chinese will come up to me and say hi, it was mostly canadians who did that. Needless to say they were disappointed. But you know what, this is another story...

The point is that I am glad that I found the article, because it is something I am concerned about. I believe in freedom of choice, that the person can choose either to go or not to university and choose what program they want to get in according to their interests or talents. People shouldn't be forced to take something parents want them to take, because it is their career and their life after all. I find it great that there are programs that speak to the chinese communities about the many ways of success besides the books, and to encourage their children to get to know other backgrounds, to socialize, and have more life experiences rather than locking themselves in a box in front of a book that can only tell you so much.

I am also glad and thankful that my parents at least give me 'some' freedom about my life and mostly agree with what I want to do in life.

From a baby to a lady

Today is mothers' day in Canada. Even though Mother's Day is not until August in Costa Rica, i was not safe from thinking about my mother.

You see, both my dad and my mom struggled a lot, practically since I was born, in order to save enough money for me and my sister to have a good education. Today, both my sister and I are receiving good Canadian education at University of Toronto and York, very well known universities. My mom taught me how to speak, write, walk, cook, clean, and how to face the world. She is always protecting me against everything bad out there in the world. "Don't go out at night", "don't do drugs", "don't have sex and then get pregnant", "don't eat food that contains lots of fat", "don't go to parties, guys might drug you", "don't buy what you don't need", "don't spend money in garbage", don't do this, don't do that..... When I was in my teenage, I never listened to her. I took everything she said as quaaaaackquackquackquack. But today, sometimes I think for myself, I should have listened to my mom. Not that any of those bad things have happened to me, just most of the times, moms are always right. They know what they are saying. They have mother intuition after all.

Growing up with a mom like mine wasn't easy. She is very conservative and strict. Most of the times she doesn't understand what makes me happy and what i want. And when I voice myself over her, she would hit me with a feather duster, umbrella, chop stick, chancleta, ruler....you name it. She always chose my safety over my happiness, so, for example, she wouldn't let me go to a concert, or have guys friends. She was very restrictive, always telling me "don't...". For her, I should go to school, come home do my homework, sleep, repeat. I have no time for socializing, which I considered to be so important. Everything else was a waste of time and money. Therefore, I had from zero to almost none social life. But all she did was to protect me from anything bad that could happen to me.

Yesterday I was talking to Jacob's mom. She was asking me about how I learned to cook. I told her that I learned from my mom, who always makes Chinese food at home. When I was younger I didn't appreciated her cooking or her willing to teach me how to cook. I always said to her, "I don't care. When I am older I will hire a maid to cook for me". Couple years later, when I started University, and living away from home, and eating fast food practically every single day, I never missed mom's home-cooking so much. Ever. And I wished I had learned more how to cook from my mom. Just before I came to university, I rushed my mom to teach me how to cook, so I learned a couple dishes.

It is true when parents say "Trust me, it's for your own good. When you grow older you will understand". Because I never appreciated things they did for me when I was younger, I realize, as I grow old, how everything they say to me is true. Everything my mom warned me about. Everything my mom said. All the (plus extra) protection she gave me. All she did, because she was my mom. She said, "there is no one in the world who is going to love you as much as your parents".

Also, as I grow older, I start to hear about other people's mothers. I am still jealous of friends who have mothers who are their best friends, because me and my mom don't communicate as well. I don't feel like I can tell her anything because she is just going to bash at me of what I did wrong, what I shouldn't have done, what I should have done, etc. No news for me. I even felt jealous of mothers who go to their children's graduation. Their moms taking them everywhere. Their moms having meetings with other moms, because my mother was, I guess, an outcast and anti-social, she never got well with non-chinese moms. I was also telling Jacob how I used to get all embarassed because my mom came out of the house with an umbrella when the school bus drops me and my sister off in front of the house. Others would make fun of me, but in reality, they wished their moms did that because they are busy doing something else. Yes, there are awesome moms out there, like Jocelyn's mom who is Jocelyn's best friend, she is very funny, helpful, trusting, etc. However, there are also bad moms. Bad moms who abandon their children. Bad moms who don't care what their kids do. Bad moms who forget their children's birthday. Bad moms who are always too busy at work to care for their kids. Bad moms who beat the hell out their kids for nothing. Bad moms who do drugs and get drunk. So many bad moms out there, that when i compare my mom to those, my mom makes the perfect mother.

Today, I still can't tell my mom everything I tell to my friends. Her and I still have a lot of differences. Yet, sometimes I tell her stuff I usually don't tell her. Like having fights with a friend, and that I have a boyfriend. My sister is still weirded out why I tell stuff like that to my mom. I guess it will take her a little bit more of time to understand. Ever since I came to canada I feel like I have become more mature, more understanding about my parents' intentions.

I don't thank my mom enough for what she gave me. In my life, there were two people who were always there to make sure I had enough food, enough money, warm enough, safe enough, healthy enough. Those two people I call them Mami and Papi. They did an amazing job raising this baby into a lady today. They don't get this a lot, but Thank you Mami and Papi. I love you.


Mom, dad, me, my younger sister Sonia

My name is katie and I am full-time unemployed

Just after I finished my exams I started to send my resumes and to apply to jobs like crazy because I really needed a job for the summer - because I am becoming poor. The more time I spend sending resumes, the more money I spend and the less income I get. I have possibly applied to at least 15 job postings, and only one got back to me asking for an interview, which I went but they sent me an email saying that they were not able to offer me a job at this time. Maybe I was not doing enough. Maybe I have been making a lot of common mistakes like not sending a personalized resume, sending a generic cover letter, not doing follow up, etc.

But now, I have decided to give up on job searching for the summer. Instead, I am not only going to enjoy my last chance of sleeping in and sleeping as much as I want, but I am also going to do lots of research, learning new skills and things, building up a great resume, learning about the advertising industry, setting up my own portfolio, etc. I am going to prepare myself for the outside war. I'm gonna put that saddle on that horse and get ready for the ride. Buckle my seatbelt, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

This is how I am preparing for the summer:
- I am going to start getting a list of advertising companies that I would like to work for, and research them about what they do, who the people are, and maybe send emails and ask them questions about the company.

- Since I want to be a creative director or art director or copywriter, I need to research on people who are employed as such and ask about their jobs, learn skills they require when hiring, read online articles about their duties, their role in the company, etc. I am also going to learn InDesign, Dreamwaver, Illustrator, PHP, Flash, Quarkxpress, more than basics of HTML and CSS, etc. Time permits.

- I also wanna learn new hobbies. I want to get a bike so I can bike to downtown and get some work out. Plus it is enjoyable if I wanna get to nice places like the beaches.

- I bought this set of CD's to learn German. I have always wanted to learn German, and this is my chance to do it. If I have more time I would also like to learn Italian. I love learning new languages.

- I want to get out more, meet new people, talk to them and learn new things from them. Make new friendships and build relationships with them.

- I am going to the library and check out more books since they have so much material about things I wanna know

- I am going to take advantage of the job searching workshops that the Career Centre offers.

- I am also going to start a notebook where I write notes about getting jobs and job related stuff, like interviews, etc. articles I read from the Yahoo! HotJobs website, because I have been addicted to them lately. I am going to start recording the jobs I apply to and get some prints of my resumes.

So you see, this summer is going to be all about learning. I have such a thirst for knowledge and I really want to be prepared to what comes. And I know it is all going to be worth it in the end.